Pregnancy symptoms. It all happened in a blink of an eye. But I think I might have felt something off, a bit odd, or just not right. At the time, I (mostly) attributed it to my body still healing from the burst cyst. But a few experiences gave me pause.
I returned home on a Tuesday and could only think about one thing—chicken noodle soup. A canned version would not do. I was determined to make it from scratch. I had never made it from scratch before. But that afternoon, while still in quite a bit of pain, I shuffled around my kitchen, cleaning and chopping carrots, dicing chicken, measuring spices, and blending it all in a large pot. I savored that first bowl. And expected the leftovers to be a good staple for the rest of the week.
The following day, however, the very sight of the soup turned my stomach. Any time I opened the refrigerator and spied it in the glass container (clear food storage containers—not always a good idea), my lips would twist in disgust and I would reach for the bubbly ginger ale. Schweppes was now a good friend of mine, hold the salt and lime. It seemed somewhat odd that I craved the homemade soup just the day before and now my body was revolted by the very thought of chicken, but I was still healing from the “burst cyst.” So….
That Wednesday, I was not only repelled by chicken and soup but also quite stuffy. When I’m stuffy, my nose is typically swollen and dry. But, my nose was wet when I blew it. It was different from when I have a cold or really bad allergies. It wasn’t just when I woke up either. At this point, a fleeting thought perched precariously on the tip of my mind. Maybe it means baby? No, no. True, it was only my first month, but I had started birth control pills and the test in the ER was negative just a few days before. Plus with DH gone most of the month, we had only BD’d once when it might have been close to ovulation. And at that final thought, it flitted.
As the week progressed, I really wanted beef. And potatoes. Oooh, and some fresh green beans lightly braised in butter and lemon. Saturday, hubby appeased me. Yes, give it to me. I enjoyed all that I longed for and more. On Sunday, betwixt our two ER visits in which we learned we were pregnant and it was ectopic respectively, I had a juicy hamburger and fries. It was heavenly.
I can’t know for certain if the cravings, aversions, and nasal discharge were symptoms of the barely-there pregnancy, but I think I thought I might have felt something…
When I was pregnant, ever so briefly, I had a craving for hamburgers all the time and strangely, water.
Actually, I was really thirsty that week, too. I drank a lot of water and ginger ale. That’s all I wanted as far as drinks was concerned. I wondered if my craving for beef was maybe my body’s reaction to anemia. But maybe not….
The losses are so hard. It’s nice to be able to “enjoy” even the very brief symptoms of pregnancy that we get to taste. Sometimes thinking about it makes it hurt more…but sometimes it warms my heart.
Couldn’t have said it better myself. It being my first (and now only) natural conception, I relish those nearly indecipherable clues that announced to my body and subconscious that I was pregnant. For that brief week, I knew what it was like to be pregnant without trying. No planning, no monetary hemorrhaging, no temping nor monitoring. I was left with this final thought: huh, so that’s what it feels like when a fertile conceives. While bittersweet, I cleave to the sweet aspect of knowing that my body could conceive. May we both do so again and reap a healthy, full-term baby.
This is so beautifully written….I would love to talk to you about writing for a site I coordinate for – your voice on the topic of infertility and the many ups and downs that you are going through would be such a nice addition and hopefully, through that writing we would get to celebrate the end result of a baby with you. Please email me back if you’re interested, I looked for a contact email here on your site, but you don’t have anything listed. 🙂